Ahead

Many people get stuck on what is behind them instead of what is ahead of them. They get so caught up in the past that they cannot look to the future. In turn, they may not realize what their life is like in the current state that it might be in.
    Growing up, I was always treated like an outcast due to what had happened. Being diagnosed with Epilepsy as well as losing my mom a few months a part set me apart as a person. Many people knew my mom and knew my situation with my health. In turn, not many people (both kids my age and adults) did not know what to say or how to talk to me anymore. I began reading more and talking less. In essence, I had become a book-a-holic. Not only did I had my nose in a book learning about something new; but, I began reading books that interested me such as The Last Apprentice series and Harry Potter series.  In time, people began talking to me as if nothing was wrong. They saw that I was still the same girl I had been before with the only difference being that a few things happened that affected the rest of my life.
   Finding a place that I could call my own was something that I struggled with daily for several; years. School was one of the places that I felt safe at. The privacy of my room became one of my safe havens.  I was able to think clearly after being alone in my room. It was wrestling that became my best safe haven. I had made more friends in the wrestling world than I had at school. Most of them helped in me being in a better mood whether they realized it or not. To this day, there are those that are able to do that and make me laugh. I do not think I will ever have a place that I can call my own. Having wrestling as a main safe haven is just as good. I always end up having a great time and being in a better mood.
    After a while I started coming into my own. The decisions I made affected me in a positive way to a point that others noticed. I have learned things from my mom before and after she died. She told and showed me things that I understand now that I did not then.  The things that she instilled in me will always stay with me. Her influence helped me through her death in addition to my grandmother (her moms) death. Influence can be a powerful thing.
      Many became judgmental towards me because of what I had been through in such as short time. It was something that I had grown used to and learned from. Not everyone will understand what I have gone through and how I have learned from it. I have had as much positive as I have negative things said about my positive attitude as well as the choices that I have made. I am not sorry for any of the decisions that  I have made. I have become a  blunt person and would rather say things as they are than say things that people want to hear. Things need to be said that have to be said whether it is good or bad.  Life is never fair and never will be. Things happen and can be learned from. It is up to the individual to decide what choice and decision they want to make. Learning is part of life.
    The journey ahead might be unknown to me right now; however,  I know there will be situations that will arise where I can use what I already know and apply it.  I learned from my past and have already applied it in life. One of the many goals is teaching others that it is perfectly fine to be a little different. Much of the world today is used to having to conform to something instead of being who they truly are. One thing my mom taught me was to always be myself and not what others want me to be. Consider what they say and make my own decisions. That is the difference between conforming to something and standing out.